Control and “Sloppy No’s”

Control is something every one of us struggles with.

I was thinking back to my first family visit since I’ve been back, when I got to see Abigail for the first time since incarceration. The biggest difference I noticed in her, besides size obviously, was her desire to control. She no longer wanted to be held. She knows that she has more control of her body now and she could choose to sit or try to wiggle free and make a break for it. Not going to lie, I would have loved to run out the door and all the way home with her. Lol 

She’s completely mobile now, so in her cute little one year old mind, listening to instructions like “sit down” made her choose to take off running across the room because she has control now. Obviously, she didn’t have full control to run around like she wanted, she would leave the table and make a break for it, only to be picked up by me or Ashley for running too far.  Each time I returned her to the table she got frustrated because she knew she could get up and walk wherever she wanted if I would just leave her alone. 

I have found I tend to be the the exact way as my precious one year old Daughter. I feel like I have full control but truthfully I have zero control over my life. Too often, I find myself stressing, planning, and attempting to end up at my desired destination. Meanwhile, forgetting that my life is not out of reach of my Heavenly Father. 

Just like with my own child,  He let's me walk but ultimately guides me to where He wills me to be. 

Jonah came to mind when I was pondering this issue of control. 

Jonah 1:1-3 "now the word of the Lord came to Jonah the son of Amittai saying, " arise, go to Nineveh, that great city, and cry out against it  for their wickedness has come up before Me." but Jonah arose to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord"

The book starts out with Jonah trying to control his path and disobey God. So, Jonah boards a ship headed to Tarshish. While on that ship, Jonah sleeps and the Lord sends a storm.  The sailors were pagan obviously because they asked Jonah to call on his God so they wouldn't die. 

Jonah responds in verse 9: “so he said to them I am a Hebrew and I fear the Lord, the God of heaven, who made the sea and dry land."

So, while running from God he claims he fears the Lord. My favorite part about the book of Jonah is seeing Jonahs disobedience bring people to faith. 

Even though he was running from God, he was still used by God. 

Jonah 1:15-16 "so they picked up Jonah and threw him into the sea, and the sea ceased from its raging. Then the men feared the Lord exceedingly, and offered a sacrifice to the Lord and took vows” 

This encourages me because it shows me even when I'm not measuring up, God is bigger than my mistakes and can take those mistakes and still accomplish what He needs to. I've struggled with feeling inferior in my faith when measuring myself to David, Paul, Daniel, etc. I've often felt like God couldn't use me in my time of doubting and I just don’t have enough to offer. 

Ask Pastor Shane its been a repeated struggle for me lol. God is so much bigger than what little I have to offer. If He can use Jonah’s disobedience, He can use me when I fall short or insist on controlling my path. We all know the attitude adjustment God provided Jonah by the fish He sent to swallow him up. Yet, his attitude still called for a lot of improvement. 

By the end of book, we see Jonah finally go to Nineveh, deliver the message, and see people turn from their evil ways. Jonah continues with his bad attitude after seeing God save his enemies. He gets mad at God.

 In chapter 4:1-3 " but it displeased Jonah exceedingly, and he became angry. So he prayed to the Lord and said, "ah Lord, was not this what I said when I was still in my country? Therefore I fled previously to Tarshish for I know that You are a gracious and merciful God, slow to anger and abundant in loving kindness, One who relents from doing harm. therefore now O Lord, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live!" 

Jonah gets a bad wrap but I have had a period of time where I felt similarly about the people that have done me severely wrong. I would rather have interjected my attempt at control and wanted bad for my enemies. I started my email with intentions of sharing issues of control and ended up with self reflection on how I’ve had a similar attitude like Jonah towards people that have wronged me in the past. I could write another short book on that topic alone. It would definitely be a lot more to unpack in one short email. So, before I run out of space I'll wrap it up. God can use my shortcomings to accomplish His goal, and I think we are all more like Jonah than we care to admit. 

Blueberry poptart saved the day from a “sloppy no” tray. I call the Sloppy Joe’s here, “sloppy no's”. They aren't fit to feed my dog lol.