Goliath’s Struggle

There is a problem in prison with people who claim to have received salvation and follow Christ. A lot who claim to be believers in here show no fruits of being born again, actually quite the opposite. 

As a result, their hypocritical behaviours have erected walls for conversations I've tried to have about the gospel with several people who are vocal non believers. Their problem is the stereotypical "Christians say one thing and do another" or "they judge me but do worse than what I’m doing." It has made sharing difficult. And if we’re honest, it’s this same sort of thing that pushes away non believers even outside of these prison walls.

There is one guy in here I have gotten to know, I won't say his name, we’ll call him Goliath because he is a big dude. He is the one guy in our dorm absolutely nobody wants to cross. He’s spent a long time in prison and has a long history of struggling with hard drugs. He recently decided to follow Christ and give up drugs. When sober, this man is the most zealous, on fire for Jesus man I've ever met. From shouting a blessing for everyone to hear, to wearing headphones while bouncing to WayFm and singing praise music with no shame. He had so much joy and was always talking about the Lord and what He’s done for him. He has been an encouragement to me since I’ve been in here. Giving an example of a man in bad circumstances but still having absolute joy in the Lord. 

This past week Goliath relapsed and caved into his drug addiction. He has stayed strung out on ice pretty much all week. I was even more disappointed when I heard another guy had asked Goliath how he was able to quit drugs and find joy. This guy has been searching, has been told about the gospel but hasn't changed due to fear of giving up drugs. He saw Goliath’s example, saw it was possible and wanted to know how. Goliath responded with "don't ask me I'm about to get high myself." He had it planned, he knew the drugs were on the way and he was about to give in. As a result, he not only failed himself, he also missed an opportunity to walk another to Christ and away from drugs. This drove home the point of how important our daily walk is for others. Just when Goliath felt like giving in to old habits another man was seeking what he had found in Christ.

The first thoughts I found myself thinking were in judgment. How could he? He was doing so well. The other guy could have gotten clean from his example. Then my thoughts turned from condemnation to self reflection. Aren’t we all guilty of the same thing? It may not be with hard drugs, but could be anger issues, refusal to forgive, other addictions etc. Goliath’s struggles are just out in the open for all of us to see instead of hidden behind the things we often find ourselves hiding behind. 

When he gets high, everyone knows he relapsed. It’s constant yelling, punching doors, paranoia that everyone is out to get him. You can’t even make eye contact with him or it turns into rage and threats. But his relapse and shortcomings aren’t really that different than the sins we deal with. 

I was watching a sermon from Steven Furtick. He preached on John 4, the story of the Samaritan woman at the well Jesus talks to. The biggest point that I was able to apply to my judgement and disappointment from Goliath’s relapse was Jesus’ instruction to the woman at the well. He pointed out her history with men, which is why she was drawing water from the well in the heat of the day instead of early morning like all the other women. She was avoiding the judgement of others from her mistakes. The interesting point is that Jesus didn't tell her about her past and then offer conditions, telling her fix all of her mess before He would offer living water. It was offered in spite of her past and repeated issues with men. 

This drove the point home about Goliath’s relapse on drugs. He is opposite of the others in here that claim to be born again and show no fruit or fruits vastly opposite of being born again. This guy, even when high,  is still shouting Bible verses and listening to way FM singing praise songs in between his drug induced outbursts. It brought me to a more empathetic point when analyzing Goliath and his example. I now see a man with a lifelong drug addiction, and a product of the prison system. He made a change, bore fruit , but caved in to his desires and old addictions of the flesh. 

When you and I were saved, our sin didn't stop and it’s the same with him. His struggle just happens to be a lifelong struggle of addiction. Plus, he has no way to remove himself from the people that poke at that addiction and tempt him. Even with his relapse I think he's trying. Even high on methamphetamine he is singing praise songs. I can still see fruit that he has been born again while he struggles to conquer an addiction a lot of people never conquer. Just like the woman at the well, Jesus didn't ask Goliath to clean up his addiction first then receive salvation. He offered it in spite of his addiction. He offers it to all of us. In spite of our past sins, failures, addictions and shortcomings. He asks that we repent, but He offers a gift we could never earn, in spite of who we are. 

We could all learn a lot from this situation with Goliath. Maybe don’t jump straight to judging someone’s circumstances, especially one we can't relate to, like a meth addiction. Instead focus on the effort they are putting in to change and be there to encourage them when they relapse or continue to struggle with whatever their shortcoming may be. We all sin differently and fall short of God’s glory. Let’s help each other through it instead of hindering their progress with hypocritical judgement. 

No pop tart today, I splurged and got a vanilla ice cream at the store today to celebrate my 3rd anniversary to my amazing wife yesterday.